Social Media Tools & Tips for 2012

The W Forum was so honored to have Debra Smith present to our group for a very special event at Nicholas on March 20th,  2012.   Debra is a very effective speaker, educator and clearly an expert in the field of Social Media Marketing.  We greatly appreciate all her time, effort and preparedness.  Debra is extremely engaging with her audience and did not leave any questions unanswered…Our guests were truly inspired, as many informed me the next day they stayed up all night revising their facebook pages and got busy implementing her suggestions.
Thank you Debra, for a terrific and most memorable presentation!  We wish Jersey Bites and 3 Square Deals continued success!             Shari LaRosa, The W Forum
 

We were honored to welcome Deborah Smith,  Social Media Consultant and Trainer to the W forum March 20, 2012.  Deborah is an accomplished writer, business woman, and expert on how to use Social Media to enhance and grow your business.  As one guest let us know the next day, at 10 am she had been up for hours setting up her social media campaign thanks to all of the information provided by Deborah the evening before.  Deborah is an engaging speaker who was able to share her knowledge and understanding of the ins and outs of Social Media with our room full of guests in a concise and confident manner.  Each and every person walked away from the evening excited and armed with the new tools brought to their attention by Deborah.   

Heather Cosimano, The W Forum

 

 The Emotion of Jealousy

"O, beware, my lord, of jealousy:

It is the green-ey'd monster, which doth mock

The meat it feeds on."   William Shakespeare; Othello

March 14, 2012 Seminar...Our guest went around the room responding to the question "How does it make you feel when your significant other spins his head around to check out another woman?"

Some women said they don't experience that scenario, some said they really don't mind, and may occasionally do the same, and one guest said her man received her entire plate of chicken wings right in his lap. 

We introduced Cathy Noblick, a very kind, excellent and intelligent therapist practicing in Shrewsbury NJ and she had the following insightful information to share with us:

Say you are out to dinner with your boyfriend or husband and a long lost lover bombshell walks over to him.  He becomes so animated talking to her, more so than when he talks to you.  He forgets to introduce you.  Hmmm, this may arouse a feeling of jealousy...  It may be a fleeting pang of jealousy, you may throw your plate of wings at him, or it may be an all out brawl on your way home...

So what is this emotion that can create such strong reactions?  What is jealousy exactly?

Jealousy can have three different meanings:

1.  The first kind is often used interchangeably with envy...it's a kind of discontent or resentful longing for someone else's possessions, characteristics, or luck.

2.  The second meaning of jealousy refers to an intense effort to hold onto what one possesses, protective of something you have..

3.  The third definition of jealousy is the one we focused on this evening:  Distrust or suspicion of someone's unfaithfulness in a relationship.

In many cases, feeling some jealousy in a relationship is completely normal and appropriate.  According to Saint Augustine, "He that is not jealous, is not in love."  That does not mean that he who is most jealous, loves most.  Many of us experience some jealousy in significant relationships, but extreme jealousy can be very unhealthy, dangerous and undermine the relationship.

Jealousy actually has evolutionary roots as a survival mechanism, to help maintain intimate relationships and help keep a mate from straying.   This was way more necessary when life spans were so short that people rarely got a second chance to find a mate and reproduce.  And the pool of eligible mates on Cavematch.com was pretty small.

The evolutionary roots of jealousy developed differently for men and women.  For men it seemed to be the threat of sexual infidelity that stirs the most jealousy.  Women respond more to the possible loss of love to a rival female.  They want to keep their man's attention focused on her.  The purpose of jealousy was to insure the perpetuation of the human species.

An interesting study Cathy noted, published in the journal of Evolution and Human Behavior, found that taller men tend to be less jealous than shorter men.  This is consistent with other research that shows that taller men have a lot of advantages in our culture.  They are seen as stronger, more attractive, make more money on average, and get more promotions.

Certain conditions or life circumstances may make a person more prone to experience jealousy....such as:  Being pregnant; Having an unattractive day; Being low on confidence; If he has been unfaithful previously; If the relationship is not going well; If he seems distant or you are feeling insecure; If you grew up distrustful of men or people in general; If your dad was unfaithful to your mom; If you have a predisposition to being a worrier; If you feel you are a "5" and you snagged a "10".

Personality, Family History, Partner's Relationship History, Health of a Relationship, Self-Esteem and External Circumstances - these are all variables that can influence jealousy.  And when several of these conditions are at play, it can get even more complicated!

The best formula for jealousy is when an insecure person is in an insecure relationship.

In small doses, jealousy can be an expression of caring, a way of testing whether it's safe to invest more emotion.  Jealousy can be used strategically in a relationship.  It is reported that as many as 40% of women deliberately provoke a bit of jealousy in a partner to get a reading on the strength of the bond.  Men apparently do this as well, but not nearly as often as women.

Maya Angelo said that "Jealousy in romance is like salt in food.  A little can enhance the flavor, but too much can spoil the pleasure and, under certain circumstances, can be life-threatening".  She was so right.  Jealousy can be the most destructive of passions.

It can create conflict and distance, breaks up relationships and in some cases, causes serious harm.

Thus the following description of jealousy:  The Dragon which slays love under the pretense of keeping it alive.

When jealousy crosses the line into suspicious or complex jealousy, it generally takes an obsessive quality.  It often functions in the absence of any confirmed infidelity or even hints or signs of unfaithfulness.    Cathy has heard patients describe the complaint that they can't stop feeling suspicious, they are sure the feelings are irrational but they can't stop and they are driving their partner away. Doubts and questions about a partner's fidelity can take a life of their own in a suspicious person's mind and at some point the suspected partner may say to themselves "I am being accused of being unfaithful and treated as though I am guilty.  I might as well be cheating".  

And sometimes people's suspicions are created by their own behavior!

However:  What to Do about Jealousy if you are Jealous?

Don't Overreact.  Separate fact from thoughts, assumptions and guesses.  Don't accuse or blame.  Instead express your vulnerable feelings, fear, or insecurity in the relationship.  Use "I" statements.  Identify a behavior that is upsetting you and use this structure:

I notice....that you talk to Jackie a lot.

I assume this means....that you are attracted to her.

I wonder....if you are interested in being with her.

If you are invested in your relationship tell them there and then how they made you feel.  It's your obligation to let your partner know how he affects you.

For jealousy breeds on mystery and unclear information!

Be completely transparent.  Communicate and share information.

Nurture your relationship.  Make time to be together.  Make sure that you are saying and doing things everyday that tell or show your loved one that you love him.

Remind yourself of what's good in your relationship!

Remind yourself of your value because there is plenty!!

______________________________________________________

If ever you feel the need to discuss personal feelings, we have a wonderful recommendation:

Cathy Noblick, LCSW

732-380-0012

www.cathynoblick.com

KEEPING YOUR PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL BATTERIES CHARGED

Provided that we are healthy, our energy level to a large extent is modifiable.

Insufficient sleep, excessive stress, inappropriate meal schedule and poor time management causes us to waste energy !

1.     Everybody has a unique 24 hours circadian rhythm encoded in their clock in the brain making.  Some people are morning people and some people are night people. This predisposes one to certain times of the day when they are at their peak performance and times when they are less efficient. This is to some extent modifiable. Imposed on us,  daily schedules are often incompatible with our own cycle and can make us miserable.

TV or the computer light used late at night affects our sleep. It increases stage 2 sleep and decreases deep sleep necessary for memory consolidation and processing. Partly this and partly natural for all teenagers, delayed phase disorder contributes to the problems they may have at school. Going to bed late on the week nights and sleeping late on the weekends, they develop the sleep pattern when their deepest sleep falls into the early morning hours ( typically during math or science class!). Majority of teenagers suffer from severe sleep deprivation, which can lead to mood disturbances, depression attention and memory problems. Maintaining as regular as possible wake up time, diminishing nighttime light exposure and promoting morning light exposure can improve quality of sleep and eliminate effects of sleep deprivation

2.    The human body is equipped with an autonomic nervous system, which regulates the function of organ systems and the level of our arousal. Sympathetic part of it, originally developed for Fight or Flight “ reaction enhances blood flow to the brain and muscles, but suppresses digestive system. It is helpful when we have to run away from a lion, but it was meant to be activated only for the brief periods of time. If prolonged it leads to multiple health problems( stomach ulcers, HTN, anxiety and many others)

In the modern civilization we learned to activate the “ stress system” but we lost the ability to shut it off. We function like the car being on park, constantly pressing the gas pedal. We don’t go anywhere and we use our energy for nothing. At the same time we eventually get ourselves sick.

Parasympathetic nervous system( the counterpart of sympathetic, helps to maintain  basic body functions and sleep) It is the right balance of the two systems that gives us harmony and health. 

The good news is that with practice and the use of simple physiological exercises we can restore our ability to regulate our bodies. Regular exercise also facilitates this regulation. 

3.    A regular meal schedule with appropriate amounts of proteins, carbohydrates, unsaturated fatty acids and appropriate omega 3/ omega6 ratio is as critical as putting gas in your car. Also it is important to keep your meals glycemic index low. If you eat a meal comprised of pure carbohydrate, ( eg. bagel or donut) it activates insulin secretion and inevitably leads to hypoglycemia 1-2 hours later in a lot of people, with all signs and symptoms of it. That’s why it is important to add to your carbohydrate -protein and fiber, to lower this hypoglycemic response.

4.    If you were to have time and think about it, you could make a list of: ‘energy gain’ and ‘energy drain’ things in your life. If you were to use this information, you could get yourself a lot of free energy and you could do a lot of things you never thought you were capable of doing.

5.    A growing number of children and adults in the recent years has been diagnosed with attention deficit disorder. Typically the person is offered the medication (a stimulant) as an immediate fix for their problem. We do not talk enough about short and long term consequences of the use of these medications and we do not inform patients about alternative treatment options.    (Of course in some cases medication may be necessary, however, a negative effect of treating children with medications is that as adults, they may think they have to turn to drugs as the only means of helping themselves.    It is psychological.  There are other options that parents need to be made aware of!

ADD and ADHD, the syndrome of inattentiveness alone or combined with hyperactivity is known to be caused by abnormal brain activity as measured by brain mapping. Measuring the brain activity as a brain wave frequency on the surface of the brain allows us to guide the person how to correct the abnormality. Known in the scientific world as Neurofeedback, we call it Brain Fitness, because it is like a gym for your brain. With the regular practice one can get as good results as with medication, except that there are no side effects, and results are yours to keep.

Of course the use of neurofeedback and biofeedback is not limited to ADHD. To learn more about us visit us on www.neurofeedbacklab.com Our website is currently growing so each week you will be able to find more.

This seminar summary provided by Dr. Boesler, 

Iza M Boesler - Riverview Medical Associates

• (732) 741-3600

4 Hartford Dr, Tinton Falls, NJ 07701

Riverview Medical Associates, PA

Phone 732-741-3600,

She’s board certified in both Internal Medicine and Sleep Medicine.  She also does Biofeedback Training for stress management and to help regulate blood pressure.  Being a professional woman with two very active children, she has a great understanding of the stress women face today and has some interesting ideas on how to handle that stress.

 Iza M. Boesler, M.D.. Iza M. Boesler, M.D. received her Doctor of Medicine degree from the Medical Academy, Warsaw, Poland. She was an Assistant Attending Physician in the Department of Medicine at Bielanski Hospital, Warsaw, Poland. She also worked and studied at the Westminster Medical School, London, England and completed training at the Kaplan Foreign Medical Institute in Hackensack, N.J. She was employed for 2 years at Cornell Medical College, New York Hospital. From 1995 - 1998 she completed a 3 year residency in Internal Medicine at Jersey Shore Medical Center, Neptune N.J. From 1999 - 2001, Dr. Boesler was in private practice with South Hudson Medical Associates in Hudson County, N.J. She was affiliated with Bayonne Hospital, St. Francis Hospital in Jersey City and Christ Hospital in Jersey City. Dr. Boesler is board certified by the American Board of Internal Medicine and board certified by the American Board of Sleep Medicine. She has special interest in insomnia, fibromyalgia, stress related disorders and conquering cpap mask therapy difficulties, she is also interested in women's health issues. Dr. Boesler practices at the Riverview Medical Associates Tinton Falls. For an appointment please call 732-741-3600.